I usually have quite a sunny disposition on a good day (and a passable poker face otherwise), but there are certain things that irk me. Things that make me bite my tongue or shake my head. And, seeing as today we commemorate the day on which our president throws a very public tantrum, I thought I might share the things I wish I could arrange a strike about. Because when all is said and done, you need a sense of humor to survive in this beloved country of ours! Perhaps you’ll come across one of these on an off day and see the lighter side of it too.
Now, before you think I’m going all Emo here, don’t fret – we’ll return to our regular programming of bright-and-shininess in a post about the other end of the spectrum tomorrow 😉
1. Short people walking slowly in malls
Being of the more giraffe-like and tardy variety of people, I have long legs (and therefore naturally walk fast) and I’m always in a hurry (read: late). And while I have no problem with short people in general (being related to many and friends with several!), I can’t stand being stuck behind someone who is moving so slowly she’s virtually standing still while I’m trying to rush somewhere. I have to try very hard not to tap them on their heads and point them toward the exit. I obviously love grocery shopping at month-end; can you tell?
Don’t even get me started on geriatric snails in traffic…
2. “Helpful” parking lot attendants
As a grown-up, healthy woman who is trusted with actually driving my own car, I am perfectly capable of pushing my own trolley/packing my own bags into the boot/inserting the parking ticket into the machine at the exit. I don’t need/want help… And I usually don’t have spare change to tip with either. There are few people as “eager to help” as these, though.
3. Perfume/face cream vendors in shopping malls
Speaking of eager beavers… I don’t know if they ship them all from some far-off country somewhere where they’re trained in the dark arts of ambushing innocent shoppers in malls at exactly the wrong moments, but few people can instantly bring out the nastiness in me as fast as these. The very moment I hear someone saying “Excuse me, ma’am, can I show you something/spray this on you/quickly talk to you?” in a thick accent, I want to let karate chops fly. And if you’ve ever actually seen me attempting anything as physical as that, you’d know that it wouldn’t be good for anyone’s health if that happened. Can’t a girl just shop unnecessarily in peace?!
4. People who talk during movies
If I wanted to watch a movie to the sound of your loud popcorn crunching/giggling/louder than a whisper gossiping, I would have gone over to your mother’s house and sat myself on your couch. You will be SHHHHHH-ed at. If that doesn’t work, you will get a speech about manners.
There has never been a third option… I’m that scary when you get between me and my movies.
5. Flirty old men
While any girl might enjoy a random compliment out of the blue every now and then, winking at me in the daytime when your teeth sleep in their own water glass at night is just plain icky. It doesn’t make you look like a stud, actually, and I’m sure your grandkids would agree. The same goes for flirty married men (except for the teeth part)… Don’t make me give you the manners-speech too.
6. Wearing glasses when it’s raining
Few things make the prefectionist in me feel more helpless than little raindrops on the INside of my glasses when it’s dripping wet. I’m already slightly visually impaired, hence the helpful spectacles, so seeing only blotches when I’m trying to figure out where I’m going irritates me. Someone really should invent wiper blades for that 😉
7. No heads up
It’s happened to the best of us. You look into the mirror after a full day of meetings, chats and general appearances in public, just to see it: There’s toothpaste on your shirt/spinach in your teeth/your zip’s open. And if you can see it, the rest of the world probably has as well. How long has it been like that? How many people have seen it? And why, in the name of all that is sweet and covered in chocolate, hasn’t anyone told you about it?! I make it my personal mission in life to point these moments out to even random strangers – who knows how much embarrassment there could be to save them from?
8. People who SCREAM AT ME
I have no personal beef with the Caps Lock button on my computer’s keyboard. It’s come in handy in the past, at appropriate times, and I’m sure we’ll interact again in the future. I just can’t understand why some people feel the need to capitalise the most unnecessary words in their sentences through abusing it. I wish the world would realise that THIS MEANS I’M SHOUTING AT YOU! Please, learn to use your inside voice. If you’re not actually trying to communicate the fact that you’re hysterical because your pants are on fire and I’m the only person in the world capable of alerting the fire brigade, please don’t raise your voice at me. It’s just rude and I’m ever so fragile… 😉
9. People who force me to be insincere
I consider myself quite honest, in general. Just ask anyone who’s ever been on the other side of a debate with me – I say more or less what I believe has to be said in as diplomatic a way as my temper allows. I prefer the truth over sugar coating (unless it’s actual sugar coating a doughnut, of course, but I’ll try to focus) and if I don’t like you, you would be the first person to know it.
Some situations, however, force me to be less honest. When good manners or common courtesy require me to act/say something other than what I actually think or feel, it drives me crazy. And I like the object of my dislike even less for putting me in that position. Grrrrr.
10. Spelling errors in spelling rants
The only thing more ridiculously embarassing to see than someone who rants and raves about grammar and spelling errors in grammatically incorrect misspelled language, is being said person. I blush. I giggle nervously. I pull the duvet higher over my head and contemplate staying there forever. I’m obviously not perfect! Oh, Irony, thou art a fickle mistress…. I’m very certain this very post will be positively littered with mistakes. Pfffffft.
DISCLAIMER (nope, not screaming, just catching your eye): In the big scheme of things to throw hissyfits about, I would be the first to admit that the above list is trivial and unimportant. But, if politics have taught me one lesson today, it would be that nothing sets a bee buzzing in a bonnet faster than an issue that no one should actually care about.
It’s in the nature of irritants to irritate the ones on the receiving end the most. Like mosquito bites. Just because you wouldn’t scratch that spot on my shin, doesn’t mean it’s less itchy, does it? 😉
What are the things that irritate you? Share them with me in the comments and we can all have a giggle about them! If you like to read my posts, why don’t you subscribe to receive them directly in your inbox? Thanks for reading, anyway… 😉